The NYEH HEH HEH Diaries
by The Sandslash Named Gaara
Summary: Papyrus the skeleton, armed with a diary, is ready to capture his daily life and struggles. NOTE: My child, it would be best if you did not view this content before completing the game, as it is full of SPOILERS.
1. MY NEW SPARKLY DIARY

**A/N: IF YOU DID NOT HEED MY WARNING IN THE SUMMARY, GO AND PLAY UNDERTALE FIRST. IN THIS WORLD, IT'S KILL OR BE KILLED. BY SPOILERS. YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE A BAD TIME IF STUFF IS SPOILED. EVEN THIS IS A SPOILER.**

 **I love Undertale way too much.** **Papyrus** **and** **sans** **are my favourite characters, and I guess I'll attempt an Undertale fic. The original Word document is all in the Papyrus font; too bad it doesn't show up. Also to keep the mood, everything is in caps. Just imagine your best Papyrus voice as you read this.**

 **Disclaimer: Undertale is not owned by me, it is owned by Toby "Radiation" Fox, and yeah.**

* * *

 **THE NYEH HEH HEH DIARIES: PART I**

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 _NOVEMBER 1, 201x_

SANS TOLD ME THAT I SHOULD START A DIARY. A GREAT DIARY. HE GAVE IT TO ME JUST NOW. IT IS RATHER…SPARKLY.

LET'S GET ON WITH THE DIARYING! NYEH HEH HEH!

DEAR GREAT DIARY, TODAY I GOT A NEW DIARY.

I HOPE TO BE IN THE ROYAL GUARD AND BE POPULAR! POPULAR! POPULAR! I HOPE I CAN GET IN.

MY BROTHER SANS MAKES TOO MANY JOKES. HE NEVER TAKES CARE OF HIS PET ROCK, AND HE NEVER DOES HIS JOB! I DO MY JOB! VERY LOVINGLY, IN FACT.

MY JOB? TO GET INTO THE ROYAL GUARD, OF COURSE. I WANT TO CAPTURE A HUMAN. THEN I WILL TAKE THE HUMAN TO UNDYNE, THE HEAD OF THE ROYAL GUARD, AND THEN SHE'LL LET ME INTO THE ROYAL GUARD.

SANS IS HELPING ME WITH THIS JOB. MAYBE I WILL GO ASK UNDYNE ABOUT LETTING ME INTO THE ROYAL GUARD.

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 _NOVEMBER 25, 201x_

DEAR GREAT DIARY, THE TIME IS NOW 11 PM. AT NIGHT. I JUST WENT TO THE LIBRARY TO PICK UP A BOOK CALLED _HOW TO GET INTO THE ROYAL GUARD_. I AM GOING TO FOLLOW ALL THESE DIRECTIONS SO UNDYNE WILL LET ME INTO THE ROYAL GUARD.

I AM IN FRONT OF HER HOUSE NOW. I KNOCKED ON THE DOOR TO ASK HER, BUT SHE CLOSED IT WHEN SHE SAW ME. MAYBE I SHOULD WEAR CLOTHES?

I WENT BACK HOME TO GET MY MOST FAVORITE CLOTHES. A CLOTHES FROM A PARTY. A PARTY WITH ME, SANS, HIS ROCK, AND SOME DOG THAT CAME IN.

IT'S MY BATTLE BODY! I HOPE TO USE IT A LOT WHEN I GET IN THE ROYAL GUARD. I ALSO WENT AND BOUGHT MTT-BRAND BONE COLOGNE SO UNDYNE WILL THINK I AM WORTHY TO BE IN THE ROYAL GUARD.

I AM SO HAPPY! NYEH HEH HEH! UNDYNE SAYS SHE'LL GIVE ME ULTRA-HARD WARRIOR TRAINING! SHE APPROVES OF MY SPARKLY DIARY.

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 _DECEMBER 15, 201x_

I LOVE WARRIOR TRAINING! I ALWAYS GET BEATEN UP BY UNDYNE, BUT I THINK I'LL BE THE HEAD OF THE ROYAL GUARD IN NO TIME! I WILL CAPTURE A HUMAN! I WILL BE SO POPULAR!

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 _DECEMBER 18, 201x_

UNDYNE SAYS SHE THINKS SHE WILL GIVE ME BETTER TRAINING. I'M SO EXCITED! I ALSO LEARNED THAT SHE LOVES BONES! I HAVE A WHOLE CABINET OF THEM! IT'S UNDER THE SINK.

I THINK I WILL INCREASE THE HEIGHT OF THE SINK. THAT WAY I CAN PUT MORE BONES INTO IT. I NEVER USE THE KITCHEN ANYWAY.

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 **A/N: COME BACK NEXT TIME FOR SOME MORE ULTRA HARD ROYAL GUARD TRAINING WITH UNDYNE! PLEASE READ AND REVIEW, TELL ME IF I CAPTURED PAPYRUS'S VOICE LIKE HE CAPTURED THE HUMAN, AND PLEASE SEND ME IDEAS AND SUCH! NYEH HEH HEH HEH! HEH…**


	2. ULTRA-HARD ROYAL GUARD TRAINING!

**A/N: Too much motivation right now. Please enjoy this while you can, school starts back up next week and idk if I'll be able to update this frequently.**

* * *

 **THE NYEH HEH HEH DIARIES: PART 2**

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 _DECEMBER 25, 201x_

WOWIE! IT'S CHRISTMAS! WHICH MEANS WE'RE SUPPOSED TO GET GIFTS? I GOT SANS TODAY'S NEWSPAPER! I'M ASKING HIM IF HE CAN SOLVE TODAY'S JUNIOR JUMBLE. IT'S CHRISTMAS THEMED! WAIT…IF ONE OF THE WORDS IS CHRISTMAS, CAN I CIRCLE IT IN THE TITLE? IT SAYS 'CHRISTMAS JUNIOR JUMBLE.'

UNDYNE SAYS SHE WON'T GIVE METRAINING TODAY. SHE SAID SHE HAD TO PREPARE SOMETHING FOR MY TRAINING.

I SUCCESSFULLY INCREASED THE HEIGHT OF MY SINK! I TOOK OFF THE SINK, PUT ANOTHER CABINET ON TOP OF THE OLD ONE, AND SAWED OFF THE SHELF THAT WAS BLOCKING IT FROM HAVING MORE SPACE. SANS GLUED THE DOORS TOGETHER.

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 _DECEMBER 27, 201x_

UNDYNE GAVE ME REGULAR TRAINING YESTERDAY. IM SO EXCITED FOR TODAY! UNDYNE SAYS SHE'LL START THE SPECIAL TRAINING!

UNDYNE JUST TOLD ME TO GO TO THE STORE AND BUY GROCERIES. SHE SAYS ITS ENDURANCE TRAINING. WILL I THROW DRY SPAGHETTI, TOMATOES, AND POTS AT PEOPLE? WOWIE! I CAN'T WAIT.

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 _DECEMBER 29, 201x_

I EMPTIED THE SHELVES OF TOMATOES TODAY. UNDYNE MUST REALLY LIKE THEM. I FILLED UP TWO WHOLE CARTS OF TOMATOES. I RAN OUT OF MONEY TO PAY FOR IT. SO I HAD TO CALL UNDYNE TO HELP ME. SHE WAS SO PROUD OF ME.

WOWIE! I'M ALL COVERED IN BLOOD! TOMATO BLOOD! WE SMASHED ALL OF THE TOMATOES TOGETHER. IT'S SO FUN! SANS WOULD HAVE A GREAT TIME.

UNDYNE HASN'T TOLD ME WHAT THIS IS ALL ABOUT, BUT I'M GOING TO BE IN THE ROYAL GUARD!

* * *

 _JANUARY 2, 201x_

NYEH HEH HEH! YESTERDAY WAS NEW YEAR'S! I TRAINED WITH UNDYNE. SHE HAD ME PRACTICE PUTTING POTS ON THE STOVE. WE HAD TO GET A NEW ONE. UNDYNE PUT THE POT DOWN A LITTLE TOO FORCEFULLY. I LOVE HOW PASSIONATE SHE IS. MAYBE I WILL CHALLENGE HER TO A POT PLACING COMPETITION!

TODAY WE DID THE COMPETITION. AS USUAL, UNDYNE WON. I LOVE IT WHEN SHE WINS. IT MAKES ME MORE DETERMINED TO FINISH MY TRAINING.

I OPENED BOXES OF SPAGHETTI AND THREW THEM INTO THE POT. IT LOOKS LIKE FIREWORKS! I FIND IT EASIER TO BREAK THE SPAGHETTI INTO TINY PIECES SO I CAN FIT MORE INTO THE POT. UNDYNE THINKS IT'S A GREAT IDEA.

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 _JANUARY 3, 201x_

WOWIE! THIS ULTRA-HARD ROYAL GUARD TRAINING IS PAYING OFF! I PRACTICE AT HOME EVERYDAY. I HAVE TO ASK SANS FOR MONEY NOW. I SPENT IT ALL BUYING GROCERIES FOR UNDYNE.

SHE SHOWED ME HOW TO STIR THE SPAGHETTI TODAY. WE BROKE THE SPOON, SO WE USED A BONE INSTEAD. I'LL BRING MY OWN TOMORROW. THE SPAGHETTI IS MUCH EASIER TO STIR ON HIGH HEAT. SO WE TURNED UP THE HEAT.

I LIKE THIS TRAINING. I'M PRACTICING AT HOME RIGHT NOW! WOWIE! I'M COOKING! I CAN FLING SPAHGETTI AT HUMANS TO CAPTURE THEM!

* * *

 _JANUARY 5, 201x_

TURNS OUT ALL WE HAD TO DO WAS PUT THE TOMATOES ON TOP OF THE SPAGHETTI.

YESTERDAY WE WENT TO THE MTT-HOME-STORE TO LOOK AT SOME STOVES. I'VE NEVER SEEN SO MANY STOVES BEFORE! WOWIE! WE TESTED ALL OF THEM TO SEE WHICH ONE WAS THE HOTTEST. BECAUSE WE ARE ON FIRE FOR ULTRA HARD ROYAL GUARD TRAINING! UNDYNE TOLD ME TO PUT THAT IN HERE.

I CARRIED THE STOVE TO UNDYNE'S HOUSE TODAY. ALL UNDYNE HAD TO DO WAS PLUG IT IN! THE REPRESENTATIVE SAID THIS ONE WILL LAST VERY LONG. MAYBE I CAN GET ONE FOR MY HOUSE.

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 _JANUARY 7, 201x_

SANS IS SO LAZY. IT'S NOT CHRISTMAS ANYMORE, BUT THE LIGHTS ARE STILL THERE! DOESN'T HE KNOW I HAVE TRAINING EVERYDAY?

NYEH HEH HEH! I CAN COOK SPAGHETTI NOW! SANS SAYS IT'S PRETTY GOOD, BUT HE'LL STICK TO EATING AT GRILLBY'S FOR NOW. SHOULD I ASK GRILLBY FOR ADVICE? HE'S MADE OF FIRE! WE CAN HEAT UP THE SPAGHETTI EVEN MORE!

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 **A/N: What even happened this chapter?**


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